An angel sleeping on my chest

(Pictures from today's Kangaroo Care)

Even with the CPAP mask and hat, doesn't Emilia look like a cherub taking a nap? How does this littlest baby know she can put her hands together like that and sleep on them. This was one of the most beautiful and amazing things I have seen her doing.

I know... when you first look at NICU babies, they look pitiful and you feel sorry for them. With so many tapes, probes, mask, and tubes attached to them, they look sad. But after a while (for me it took about 3 weeks), when you look at your baby, you see only the baby, and all the tubes, tapes, wires, and IVs just disappear. You only see the adorable baby of yours and admire their little hands and feet all day.

This is the first time I have shared a picture of Emilia because I didn't want people to look at Emilia as a sick baby who needs sympathy. However, today I want to finally share because I think she is just so adorable as she is.

Emilia's daily dose of caffeine

Emilia gets caffeine popped in her milk everyday. This is prescribed in order to prevent apnea of prematurity. She "forgets" to breathe once in a while because her brain is still premature and doesn't know she has to. Babies in the womb don't breathe so it is understandable. If you know me well, you know how much I love coffee. Throughout my pregnancy I stayed away from coffee, coke, and even green tea. Because I am pumping milk, I am still not drinking coffee except decaf. But Emilia gets her own shot of caffeine... She needs that jolt. Sometimes I wonder - what was the point of all the efforts to avoid caffeine??

Week 5 Update

Tomorrow, Emilia will be 5 weeks old. Yes, her stay in the NICU is agonizingly long but at the same time, the time has gone fast in retrospect. I hope time just flies by for the rest of her hospital stay.

She now weighs 1.2 Kg. I am not sure about her length - probably the same.
She is on full feeds - 16 ml of milk every two hours. On average I make about 750 ml of milk each day, so I am still way ahead of her. My freezer at home is full and so is my bin the NICU freezer.

She is still on Biphasic CPAP. She has been doing really well on Biphasic. Much much better than when she was on the ventilator. She is getting 26-30% O2. Hopefully we can wean and approach the room air (21%). However she seems to have gotten a bit tired today. Her breathing pattern looked a bit irregular and also her O2 saturation was swinging so often, between 99% and 69%. She has had very few spells past 5 days.

I put some black and white pictures on her incubator walls so that she can look at them when she opens her eyes. Apparently simple geometric designs in black and white are the best at her gestation.

She's been sleeping a lot lately. But I can't complain because that's what she was supposed to be doing any way. Also the brain develops in the deep sleep state so I try not to disturb her too much when she's asleep.

Her cranial ultrasound result was not too great but Mommy and Daddy are not too worried about it. We are hopeful... and are ready to overcome any obstacle that comes with problems of her premature birth. We are happy that she's healthy and she is with us.

Looking at her through the incubator used to break my heart at first but now I am enjoying every moment with her. I hold her hand, take her temperature, do her diapers, wash her face, and take lots of pictures.

OH, we finally registered her birth. One month after her birth date. Her full name is Emilia Kaylyn Lee. She also has a Korean name too (예지, named by her paternal grandfather).

Emilia is IV-free

Emilia got her PICC line removed from her right arm because she's not on any medication and she does not need TPN at this moment. She had to be transported to SickKids again. Though the procedure was only 10 minutes, it took over 2 hours to go and come back. Her incubator is clutter free and her arm is IV free, so we are happy. I hope she does not need too many IVs down the road.

30 weeks gestation

Today Emilia is 30 weeks today in gestational age (and I would have been 7 months pregnant if I were still pregnant).

Surely there have been a lot of developmental changes since she was first born. She uses her fingers a lot and she gazes at things. She makes a lot of licking and chewing movements. And, yeah, she fights off nurses' hands when they touch her. She surprisingly tolerates blood tests really well. She now weighs 1180g (2.6 lb). Certainly I would not have witnessed these changes if she were still inside me. It is amazing to see how a fetus-looking little baby gradually changes to look like and behave like one of us.

Also Emilia is one month old today. Now that she's a month old, the dietician said her milk (my breast milk) should be fortified and thus have higher calories. Last trimester is when babies start putting on fat. Right now Emilia does not have much fat. She has a lot of creases & skin folds especially around her bum and shoulders. I hope she will soon have a round plump bum like term babies. Right now it's bony, wrinkly and small.