Several days ago, I noticed a round burn mark on Emilia's chest. It looked like the shape of the CO2 monitor probe they stick on her body. The CO2 probe works by warming up the spot it is on and if it's on for a long time, it causes a burn. You can imagine how upset I was. Trying very hard not to offend the nurse or the medical team, I just raised it as a question: "oh, what is that sore on her chest? Is that from the tape?". The nurse said she noticed it when she started her shift too and it looked like a blister. Oh, GREAT. Now she tells me... (Usually the nurse reports all the updates on the baby when you first arrive at the bedside) A Burn..? Not just on a baby's skin but on a preemie's delicate thin skin...? The next day, I mentioned it again to the nurse that was on the shift. She said the same thing. I repeated the same question to the nurse that was on shift each time I visited because I wanted to gently remind them not to put the probe on that spot. Maybe they were not going to, but as an anxious mom, I didn't know if they were sensitive enough to notice it. They have handled many many babies and mine is just one of them, but for me, this baby is my only one and a precious one. Any way, finally one nurse reported it to the doctors during the medical round. I still wasn't happy of course, but at least now all the doctors and nurses were all aware of it. The neonatologist asked the nurse what it looked like and how it might have gotten there. In the end, her suggestion was to leave it and let it heal if it was dry.
If you have a preemie with a CO2 probe, and if the nurse does not promptly remove it when the monitor beeps with a message telling her to remove the probe, don't hesitate to tell her it's time to remove it before it burns the baby's skin. The monitor is actually quite smart. It counts down 30 minutes to the time it should be taken off the body to avoid a burn so if a parent is around at the time of countdown and if the nurse is busy with something else, the parent should gently remind the nurse.
Emilia was born on May 31, 2011, at 25 weeks and 5 days in gestational age. She came home on October 21, 2011 after spending 143 days in the hospital. Today she's a thriving, happy baby who continues to amaze us every single day. This blog records the journey of our miracle baby.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Skin-to-skin experience with my preemie
It's called Kangaroo Care - holding your baby skin-to-skin even though your baby is a preemie. I had the opportunity to hold her in the first week, when she had a CPAP mask on.
At first I was intimated by the idea of holding her - she has so many wires and lines all over her body. What if something gets knocked off or what if I am holding her in a wrong way and hurt her....? Despite all these worries, when I first held her, I felt I was her mother and she was my daughter. Surprisingly just holding her took away all the fears I had and gave me pure joy only. Even all the sadness and pessimistic thoughts on our future disppeared. I suddenly felt a surge of strength and determination that I had to stand strong FOR HER, I had to protect her and console her, and I had to stop crying at her bedside.
Sadly, I haven't been able to hold her on my bare chest since about 10 days ago because she is now on a ventilator that has stiff tubes. The respiratory team is trying to wean her from the ventilator so hopefully she can have a CPAP mask again soon and I can hold her on my body again. I want to hum our favourite songs again. I want her to listen to my heartbeat and fall asleep just like she did in the womb.
At first I was intimated by the idea of holding her - she has so many wires and lines all over her body. What if something gets knocked off or what if I am holding her in a wrong way and hurt her....? Despite all these worries, when I first held her, I felt I was her mother and she was my daughter. Surprisingly just holding her took away all the fears I had and gave me pure joy only. Even all the sadness and pessimistic thoughts on our future disppeared. I suddenly felt a surge of strength and determination that I had to stand strong FOR HER, I had to protect her and console her, and I had to stop crying at her bedside.
Sadly, I haven't been able to hold her on my bare chest since about 10 days ago because she is now on a ventilator that has stiff tubes. The respiratory team is trying to wean her from the ventilator so hopefully she can have a CPAP mask again soon and I can hold her on my body again. I want to hum our favourite songs again. I want her to listen to my heartbeat and fall asleep just like she did in the womb.
Week 2
Week 2 was quite exciting for Emilia's mom and dad, maybe not so much for Emilia.
First I started changing her diapers and taking the temperature. I also help nurses weigh Emilia and chage her bed sheets in the incubator. I also got to clean her eyes and mouth with wet sterile gauze. I guess the NICU staff want to involve parents in the baby's basic care as much as possible.
The best thing that happened in the 2nd week was that Emilia started her feeds. She is now getting my breast milk. Started off with 1cc every 4 hours, now she get 6cc every 2hours. Woohoo. My hard work of pumping breast milk is finally being paid off. It really gives me motivation to continue pumping around the clock.
Emilia gained some weight in the 2nd week. She was born 870g, and dropped to 700's and then moved up slowly to 800's and the upper end of 800's. We are so happy that she is growing now. She doesn't look anything like a full term chubby baby yet but she's getting there.
First I started changing her diapers and taking the temperature. I also help nurses weigh Emilia and chage her bed sheets in the incubator. I also got to clean her eyes and mouth with wet sterile gauze. I guess the NICU staff want to involve parents in the baby's basic care as much as possible.
The best thing that happened in the 2nd week was that Emilia started her feeds. She is now getting my breast milk. Started off with 1cc every 4 hours, now she get 6cc every 2hours. Woohoo. My hard work of pumping breast milk is finally being paid off. It really gives me motivation to continue pumping around the clock.
Emilia gained some weight in the 2nd week. She was born 870g, and dropped to 700's and then moved up slowly to 800's and the upper end of 800's. We are so happy that she is growing now. She doesn't look anything like a full term chubby baby yet but she's getting there.
Week 2 - PICC
Emilia's 2nd week was quite stable, though its start was not very peaceful for her parents.
NICU doctors finally decided to send Emilia to SickKids after failing to insert a PICC line a number of times. Few days later, Sick Kids finally had a spot for her for the procedure. We had to give them a consent that it was okay for her to get a PICC line and we, her parents, were aware of a dozen of seriously bad things that could happen as a result of the line. I knew it was going to be better for Emilia to have a PICC line rather than getting a new IV everyday, but when Sick Kids transport team finally came to our NICU to pick her up, I couldn't help crying. It was so hard to accept that the tiny baby, who was supposed be inside my body, was going to have a procedure that just sounded so scary.
For those of you who don't know what a PICC is, here is a definition from http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Cancertreatment/Treatmenttypes/Chemotherapy/Linesports/PICCline.aspx:
A PICC is a long, thin, flexible tube known as a catheter. It is inserted into one of the large veins of the arm near the bend of the elbow. It is then slid into the vein until the tip sits in a large vein just above the heart.
Now imagine that this was tried a number of times on her by the doctors and then all failed because her veins were too thin. No wonder my baby got sick. Any way we were initially told at SickKids that the procedure would take about 30-45 mintues. An hour, which was more like an eternity, passed and somebody came to the waiting room and told us that they were having difficulties finding veins and would take a bit longer than expected. We were devastated. Don't tell me it's failed again! Then after another 45 minutes or so, finally a doctor came out and announced that it was done successfully. Thank goodness. When I was heading back to our hospital NICU, my heart was much lighter than when I was walking over to SickKids earlier.
When I saw her again, she was sleeping from the sedative given to her for the procedure. I felt so sorry for my baby but now with the PICC line in her right arm, Emilia doesn't need to suffer any more IV's (or failed IV attempts) except for blood transfusion, I guess. I am now praying that she does not get any infection or any other complications from the line. Worry is never ending in NICU.
NICU doctors finally decided to send Emilia to SickKids after failing to insert a PICC line a number of times. Few days later, Sick Kids finally had a spot for her for the procedure. We had to give them a consent that it was okay for her to get a PICC line and we, her parents, were aware of a dozen of seriously bad things that could happen as a result of the line. I knew it was going to be better for Emilia to have a PICC line rather than getting a new IV everyday, but when Sick Kids transport team finally came to our NICU to pick her up, I couldn't help crying. It was so hard to accept that the tiny baby, who was supposed be inside my body, was going to have a procedure that just sounded so scary.
For those of you who don't know what a PICC is, here is a definition from http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Cancertreatment/Treatmenttypes/Chemotherapy/Linesports/PICCline.aspx:
A PICC is a long, thin, flexible tube known as a catheter. It is inserted into one of the large veins of the arm near the bend of the elbow. It is then slid into the vein until the tip sits in a large vein just above the heart.
Now imagine that this was tried a number of times on her by the doctors and then all failed because her veins were too thin. No wonder my baby got sick. Any way we were initially told at SickKids that the procedure would take about 30-45 mintues. An hour, which was more like an eternity, passed and somebody came to the waiting room and told us that they were having difficulties finding veins and would take a bit longer than expected. We were devastated. Don't tell me it's failed again! Then after another 45 minutes or so, finally a doctor came out and announced that it was done successfully. Thank goodness. When I was heading back to our hospital NICU, my heart was much lighter than when I was walking over to SickKids earlier.
When I saw her again, she was sleeping from the sedative given to her for the procedure. I felt so sorry for my baby but now with the PICC line in her right arm, Emilia doesn't need to suffer any more IV's (or failed IV attempts) except for blood transfusion, I guess. I am now praying that she does not get any infection or any other complications from the line. Worry is never ending in NICU.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Pumping
Because my baby is premature, I have 3 extra months to breastfeed compared to a mom with a full term baby. The day I delivered her, my nurse told me to start pumping. It seems out of place at that time. I had just delivered a baby at 25 weeks and 5 days, and pumping milk was not the first thing on my mind at that time. But now I realize it was important because it takes time to start producing milk and if the doctors decided to start feeding my baby on the 3rd day, I would not have any milk for her and she would have been fed formula. Luckily, or unluckily, Emilia was not in a condition to be fed until Day 10 because of her PDA medication and some aspirates from her stomach. That bought me a lot of time and I have a huge stock of breast milk both in the NICU freezer and at home.
I was told to pump right after holding or looking at the baby. If that was not possible, I should look at her pictures instead. Supposedly moms make more milk when they hold their babies. So, I did just that. After holding her or looking at her for a while, when I feel let-down, I go to the pump room, and behind a closed curtain, I start pumping milk out of my hard breasts like a pervert ejaculating after peeping on a pretty girl. That is how I felt, seriously. Sometimes I found myself so pathetic that I could only give frozen breastmilk to my baby. At other times, I was happy that at least I could give her something - my gift of love.
The milk came in around the 3rd day of pumping. After a week of pumping, the volume just increased so much. The only thing is I need to get up once in the middle of the night and once in the very early morning to pump. Compared to what Emilia is going through, this must be nothing to complain about.
I was told to pump right after holding or looking at the baby. If that was not possible, I should look at her pictures instead. Supposedly moms make more milk when they hold their babies. So, I did just that. After holding her or looking at her for a while, when I feel let-down, I go to the pump room, and behind a closed curtain, I start pumping milk out of my hard breasts like a pervert ejaculating after peeping on a pretty girl. That is how I felt, seriously. Sometimes I found myself so pathetic that I could only give frozen breastmilk to my baby. At other times, I was happy that at least I could give her something - my gift of love.
The milk came in around the 3rd day of pumping. After a week of pumping, the volume just increased so much. The only thing is I need to get up once in the middle of the night and once in the very early morning to pump. Compared to what Emilia is going through, this must be nothing to complain about.
First 7 days of Emilia's life
One week old.... or 26 weeks and 5 days in gestational age.
She was quite stable for the first 5 days or so. All the doctors and nurses said she was so feisty and active. She was very active when she was in my tummy too. She used to kick so hard at the fetal heartbeat monitor.
But to our dismay, after one weekend of so many attempts of IVs and PICC lines all over her body, the doctors said she seemed to have gotten some kind of infection.
She seemed to have lost the willingness to fight. She became so lethargic and limp. We were so furious. Just how many needles does this baby need to endure? And now because of that, they think she has sepsis...? Suspected sepsis - now this brings on more poking: blood test, spinal tap, etc.
Whether related or unrealted to sepsis or PDA, her deteriorating condition made her step down from CPAP to HFO nasal prongs on her 6th day and then finally to a ventilator on the 7th day. When they told us it would be better to intubate her, I broke down. The doctor and respiratory therapist thought I was crying because I considered this a step backward from CPAP. No. I was devastated because of the pain that my baby would need to go through with the tube going into her nasal cavity down to her throat and chest. Her cries would now be silenced.
Infinite guilt clouds my heart. If only I were able to carry her to term, she wouldn't need to go through all this. She was supposed to be sleeping and playing around in my tummy, not poked, intubated, taped, and monitored in a noisy bright NICU.
She was quite stable for the first 5 days or so. All the doctors and nurses said she was so feisty and active. She was very active when she was in my tummy too. She used to kick so hard at the fetal heartbeat monitor.
But to our dismay, after one weekend of so many attempts of IVs and PICC lines all over her body, the doctors said she seemed to have gotten some kind of infection.
She seemed to have lost the willingness to fight. She became so lethargic and limp. We were so furious. Just how many needles does this baby need to endure? And now because of that, they think she has sepsis...? Suspected sepsis - now this brings on more poking: blood test, spinal tap, etc.
Whether related or unrealted to sepsis or PDA, her deteriorating condition made her step down from CPAP to HFO nasal prongs on her 6th day and then finally to a ventilator on the 7th day. When they told us it would be better to intubate her, I broke down. The doctor and respiratory therapist thought I was crying because I considered this a step backward from CPAP. No. I was devastated because of the pain that my baby would need to go through with the tube going into her nasal cavity down to her throat and chest. Her cries would now be silenced.
Infinite guilt clouds my heart. If only I were able to carry her to term, she wouldn't need to go through all this. She was supposed to be sleeping and playing around in my tummy, not poked, intubated, taped, and monitored in a noisy bright NICU.
EMILIA
On June 2, we named our baby girl finally.
I wanted to name her Kailyn, Estelle or Emily, but Eun wanted her to be Emilia.
Emilia sounds pretty and similar to Emily, and it's not too common, so we agreed on Emilia. The hospital still calls her "Baby Lee" - because they go by last names, but at least now the nurses and doctors don't call our baby "he" because now they see her name is Emilia.
Now that we got a name for our baby, I was able to apply for her health insurance before I was discharged from the hospital.
Now, only if we could decide her middle name... We still need to register her birth too.
I wanted to name her Kailyn, Estelle or Emily, but Eun wanted her to be Emilia.
Emilia sounds pretty and similar to Emily, and it's not too common, so we agreed on Emilia. The hospital still calls her "Baby Lee" - because they go by last names, but at least now the nurses and doctors don't call our baby "he" because now they see her name is Emilia.
Now that we got a name for our baby, I was able to apply for her health insurance before I was discharged from the hospital.
Now, only if we could decide her middle name... We still need to register her birth too.
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