It's called Kangaroo Care - holding your baby skin-to-skin even though your baby is a preemie. I had the opportunity to hold her in the first week, when she had a CPAP mask on.
At first I was intimated by the idea of holding her - she has so many wires and lines all over her body. What if something gets knocked off or what if I am holding her in a wrong way and hurt her....? Despite all these worries, when I first held her, I felt I was her mother and she was my daughter. Surprisingly just holding her took away all the fears I had and gave me pure joy only. Even all the sadness and pessimistic thoughts on our future disppeared. I suddenly felt a surge of strength and determination that I had to stand strong FOR HER, I had to protect her and console her, and I had to stop crying at her bedside.
Sadly, I haven't been able to hold her on my bare chest since about 10 days ago because she is now on a ventilator that has stiff tubes. The respiratory team is trying to wean her from the ventilator so hopefully she can have a CPAP mask again soon and I can hold her on my body again. I want to hum our favourite songs again. I want her to listen to my heartbeat and fall asleep just like she did in the womb.
Emilia was born on May 31, 2011, at 25 weeks and 5 days in gestational age. She came home on October 21, 2011 after spending 143 days in the hospital. Today she's a thriving, happy baby who continues to amaze us every single day. This blog records the journey of our miracle baby.
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