On being a preemie parent

I was browsing Baby Centre forums yesterday. One of the forums is Premmie Parenting, which I had not visited a long time ago. One of the discussion topics was "what is it like being a preemie parent?". I didn't click on it to read all the posts, but just looking at the title of the post made me reflect on the past two years, from the day I was told I would have a high risk of preterm labour, all the way until the present day. Emilia is so busy playing with her kitchen set banging the pots and pans with a ladle. When she was first born, I could not have imagined that she would one day be walking and playing like other toddlers. So, being a preemie parent is being grateful. Despite all the small and big bumps on the road along the way, I feel blessed for what I have been given.

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Getting back to her speech... I had anticipated a referral to a speech therapist when going to the neo-natal follow-up clinic but the speech pathologist said "it will come". She was indeed right. It has been coming, slowly. Emilia is picking up a new word every 2-3 days now. She still does not have "enough" words according to her Early Interventionist who visited her few weeks ago, but I am not worried because she is gaining a new word every few days and I am fine as long as she is progressing. Supposedly she should be saying two-word sentences very soon and in order to do that she needs to have 50 words, which she is nowhere close to right now. I don't mind her seeing a speech therapist but at the same time, I don't mind her just growing at her own pace. She has been meeting all the milestones a little late any way, so to me speech is one of them. She will do it soon but just not at the same time as most kids do.

I start to wonder which ones are truly preemie issues and which ones are just normal individual differences. I know her left side muscle issue is a preemie issue for which I will do everything I can to fix. But walking and talking late to me might just be any baby, not just micro-preemies. This is a big change in my attitude. Until last year, I was so anxious that Emilia might not meet the milestones on time, but I have become much more relaxed now. I think the gap between her chronological age and corrected age has become smaller.

But let me admit that I still worry too much even though I don't want to be an overly protective, over-reacting preemie parent more. For example, Emilia these days hates wearing long sleeve tops. She pulls the sleeves and tries to take off the clothes. Dressing is such a difficult task these days. Immediately I thought the words "sensory issues" I read somewhere on preemie parents forums. Does she have sensory issues when things touch her skin, or is it normal for a toddler to all of a sudden refuse to dress? I am sure she has life-long effects from the early days when she had to fight for life but it's so hard to separate what is due to being a preemie and what is just part of growing up. So, being a preemie parent, for me at least, also means constantly worrying and feeling guilty - the guilt forever burned in my heart will come back every time a problem turns up.