Emilia was born on May 31, 2011, at 25 weeks and 5 days in gestational age. She came home on October 21, 2011 after spending 143 days in the hospital. Today she's a thriving, happy baby who continues to amaze us every single day. This blog records the journey of our miracle baby.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Pictures from this week
Serious face
In car seat, but not going anywhere yet
With my maid, milk delivery woman, baby carrier, who is also called Mommy
Emilia is 19 weeks old actual and 5 weeks old corrected
Emilia is now 5 weeks, corrected age. And 19 weeks old in chronological age.
She now weighs 10.3 lbs (4675g). She is getting ready to come home. We are now waiting for the pulse oximeter to arrive. This machine takes about 3 weeks to arrive from the time we apply for it because I heard it is government funded (75%) and it is supposedly coming from the government. We applied for it last Wed, so hopefully they are processing it right now. We have decided she will be on home oxygen. That seems to be the only way to bring her home soon(er). As much as I hate the idea of home oxygen, I know it will also give me a peace of mind knowing that I will know that her oxygen saturation and heart rate are fine - it's a mixed blessing.
Other than the occasional choking and reflux issues, she is healthy and growing well. I need to put her on her tummy more often but it's not easy to find her in an "alert and calm" state. She is active and calm after feeding time but I don't want to put her on tummy immediately after feeding because it may aggravate her reflux problems.
She certainly is more interested in the surroundings and does not want to sleep all the time any more. She seems so interested in the people who pass by and stand around her bed space. She also looks at the ceiling lights and her oximeter monitor very intently - must be the brightness that fascinate her. She looks at them with such awe. I am afraid they are too bright for her eyes though.
She has one final ROP eye exam coming up. So far her ROP conditions have been improving and stable. The eye doctor said she would do the exam only upto 45 weeks gestation (5 weeks corrected) so I suppose next week is the final exam. I am so looking forward to the end of it because it hurts her a lot and she just hate the exam. Her eyes are forced open with a speculum and the doctor keeps shining bright lights in her eyes and pressing on her eye balls, so it is pretty upsetting to Emilia. She looks really sad after every eye exam. In fact every baby in the NICU hates it. You hear the babies cry from one bedspace to another as the eye doctor makes her round on the eye exam day.
We are counting our remaining days in the NICU. The nurses tell me babies thrive at home, even if they are on oxygen. I can't wait to bring her home.
She now weighs 10.3 lbs (4675g). She is getting ready to come home. We are now waiting for the pulse oximeter to arrive. This machine takes about 3 weeks to arrive from the time we apply for it because I heard it is government funded (75%) and it is supposedly coming from the government. We applied for it last Wed, so hopefully they are processing it right now. We have decided she will be on home oxygen. That seems to be the only way to bring her home soon(er). As much as I hate the idea of home oxygen, I know it will also give me a peace of mind knowing that I will know that her oxygen saturation and heart rate are fine - it's a mixed blessing.
Other than the occasional choking and reflux issues, she is healthy and growing well. I need to put her on her tummy more often but it's not easy to find her in an "alert and calm" state. She is active and calm after feeding time but I don't want to put her on tummy immediately after feeding because it may aggravate her reflux problems.
She certainly is more interested in the surroundings and does not want to sleep all the time any more. She seems so interested in the people who pass by and stand around her bed space. She also looks at the ceiling lights and her oximeter monitor very intently - must be the brightness that fascinate her. She looks at them with such awe. I am afraid they are too bright for her eyes though.
She has one final ROP eye exam coming up. So far her ROP conditions have been improving and stable. The eye doctor said she would do the exam only upto 45 weeks gestation (5 weeks corrected) so I suppose next week is the final exam. I am so looking forward to the end of it because it hurts her a lot and she just hate the exam. Her eyes are forced open with a speculum and the doctor keeps shining bright lights in her eyes and pressing on her eye balls, so it is pretty upsetting to Emilia. She looks really sad after every eye exam. In fact every baby in the NICU hates it. You hear the babies cry from one bedspace to another as the eye doctor makes her round on the eye exam day.
We are counting our remaining days in the NICU. The nurses tell me babies thrive at home, even if they are on oxygen. I can't wait to bring her home.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Video 3: Tummy Time
Video from yesterday's tummy time.
You can check out how hard Emilia exercises...!
When she's really tired and wants to quit, she starts to groan and then cry.
Today she did much better but I didn't have chance to record it.
You can check out how hard Emilia exercises...!
When she's really tired and wants to quit, she starts to groan and then cry.
Today she did much better but I didn't have chance to record it.
Emilia is one month old (adjusted age)
Emilia just turned one month old today. Her adjusted age is counted from her expected date of birth, which was September 8th.
So far, she is just as any other one month old baby. Cries when hungry, pees & poos, and sleeps. Nowadays I am also playing with Emilia to give her exercise & stimulating time as recommended. She gets tummy time, side-lying time, and eye contact time. She is doing excellent on her tummy, lifting her head high and turning her head from left to right and then again from right to left. Her side-lying time is basically just lying on her side and watching the Aquarium (a Fisher Price toy that goes in the crib). She wasn't too interested in the Aquarium until today. Today she was actually intently watching it. Her eyes follow bold black/white pictures when I slowly move them horizontally. She also gets to look around the surroundings when I carry her around her crib as far as her oxygen tube and other cords allow me. I wish the tubes and cords were longer so that I could carry her farther around the NICU. She looks at her musical mobile too. This also just started to interest her only yesterday.
Her growth is still satisfactory. The dietician was explaining to the residents that Emilia is a good example of a baby who became the average size from the 10th percentile when full term was reached. She was showing Emilia's growth chart to them and explained how she progressed last 4 months in her own growth curve reaching finally the 50th percentile.
Starting tomorrow, I am going to seat her in the car seat to get her used to it. She has been sitting in her bouncy chair but she needs practice sitting in the car seat too in order to pass the car seat test before the discharge. It's sort of a... test preparation. I don't want her to fail her first test.
Pictures from this week:
So far, she is just as any other one month old baby. Cries when hungry, pees & poos, and sleeps. Nowadays I am also playing with Emilia to give her exercise & stimulating time as recommended. She gets tummy time, side-lying time, and eye contact time. She is doing excellent on her tummy, lifting her head high and turning her head from left to right and then again from right to left. Her side-lying time is basically just lying on her side and watching the Aquarium (a Fisher Price toy that goes in the crib). She wasn't too interested in the Aquarium until today. Today she was actually intently watching it. Her eyes follow bold black/white pictures when I slowly move them horizontally. She also gets to look around the surroundings when I carry her around her crib as far as her oxygen tube and other cords allow me. I wish the tubes and cords were longer so that I could carry her farther around the NICU. She looks at her musical mobile too. This also just started to interest her only yesterday.
Her growth is still satisfactory. The dietician was explaining to the residents that Emilia is a good example of a baby who became the average size from the 10th percentile when full term was reached. She was showing Emilia's growth chart to them and explained how she progressed last 4 months in her own growth curve reaching finally the 50th percentile.
Starting tomorrow, I am going to seat her in the car seat to get her used to it. She has been sitting in her bouncy chair but she needs practice sitting in the car seat too in order to pass the car seat test before the discharge. It's sort of a... test preparation. I don't want her to fail her first test.
Pictures from this week:
Monday, October 3, 2011
NICU mom's diary
It's October and we are still in the NICU. All the faces in the NICU have changed. All the moms and babies who were there when we first came to NICU have left.
As September approached, I was growing anxious because Emilia was not progressing as fast as I hoped. I tried not to but couldn't help comparing her to other babies. When I read back, a certain amount of frustration and anxiety is present in the daily journal I keep for Emilia and also in the posts on this blog. I thought I was keeping the anxiety to myself but I must have been looking pretty depressed because a lot of people have been asking me if I am okay. Have I projected my frustration to Emilia? Maybe I am sending the wrong energy to my baby. She probably senses my desperate feelings... my anxiety, and even anger sometimes.
It's now October. I thought she would either be home soon on oxygen -OR- be home late without oxygen. However it looks like she will be home late AND on home oxygen. I hate the idea of home oxygen so much that I came to despise all the doctors and nurses who told me Emilia needed home oxygen. I do finally accept the reality that she may need home oxygen and she will be safer that way. I still hate the idea of the oximeter monitor and oxygen tank being attached to her body even at home. Breastfeeding and bathing is not so easy with these tubes and cords. Besides, what mom wants to see white tapes on her baby girl's face for months and months? Red sores from tapes and oxygen tube impression marks are now permanent features on her cheeks. Those tapes are too harsh for baby skin.
I am trying not to worry about her spells. If she still has spells, it just means she is not mature enough and she is not ready to come home. I don't want to count how many spells she has a day.... in the end, it's really meaningless to keep track of her spells as worrying about them does not help anything at all. I just hate those people who treat her as a slow baby who still has spells for choking and reflux.
This is one thing I realized.
She will grow one day and when she is ready to come home, she is the one to tell me. I just need to wait by her side and watch over her until that day comes. It's not something I can rush her to do. I just hate having to explain to everyone why are still not at home. I just tell them Emilia thinks NICU is her home because Mommy's there all the time.
I whisper in her ears when nursing her:
"Emilia, drink lots of milk, grow strong, grow tall, grow big, grow smart, and don't worry too much about having to go home soon. Mommy will be here with you as long as you need to be here".
I thought about a lot of things last night on my way back home from the hospital. Things like why is Emilia not progressing, is it something I am doing wrong, is her doctor doing what's in the best interest of her... and of course all these thoughts end up with the question why I could not hold her longer in my tummy... I think I will always have that guilty feeling.
Despite all my care, why is Emilia still on oxygen and still in the hospital? I thought she would thrive if I cared for her by her side as much as possible. I thought she would be the strongest, healthiest baby in the whole unit. Unitl I recently saw other babies who completely come off of respiratory assistance at 30-32 weeks, I thought all babies were like Emilia needing to be on CPAP and low flow for a long time. I even got steriod shots before she was born... which was supposed to help her with lung development and yet she has chronic lung disease. Her being on low flow even at post-term is probably the reason why virtually everyone is sure she will go home on oxygen. She should have come off a long long time ago like other babies.
There is this one baby who was born on the same day as Emilia and came off low flow and went to Level II Nursery a long time ago, despite the fact that her mom never came to see her, except 2-3 days during her entire stay in the NICU. No breastfeeding, no Kangaroo Care, no diaper change, no singing or talking... and that baby still was way ahead of Emilia. I started to doubt whehter all my care and love even made any difference. But then, of course, even if I knew my care and love would not make an inch of difference, I would still have done the same, wouldn't I?
As September approached, I was growing anxious because Emilia was not progressing as fast as I hoped. I tried not to but couldn't help comparing her to other babies. When I read back, a certain amount of frustration and anxiety is present in the daily journal I keep for Emilia and also in the posts on this blog. I thought I was keeping the anxiety to myself but I must have been looking pretty depressed because a lot of people have been asking me if I am okay. Have I projected my frustration to Emilia? Maybe I am sending the wrong energy to my baby. She probably senses my desperate feelings... my anxiety, and even anger sometimes.
It's now October. I thought she would either be home soon on oxygen -OR- be home late without oxygen. However it looks like she will be home late AND on home oxygen. I hate the idea of home oxygen so much that I came to despise all the doctors and nurses who told me Emilia needed home oxygen. I do finally accept the reality that she may need home oxygen and she will be safer that way. I still hate the idea of the oximeter monitor and oxygen tank being attached to her body even at home. Breastfeeding and bathing is not so easy with these tubes and cords. Besides, what mom wants to see white tapes on her baby girl's face for months and months? Red sores from tapes and oxygen tube impression marks are now permanent features on her cheeks. Those tapes are too harsh for baby skin.
I am trying not to worry about her spells. If she still has spells, it just means she is not mature enough and she is not ready to come home. I don't want to count how many spells she has a day.... in the end, it's really meaningless to keep track of her spells as worrying about them does not help anything at all. I just hate those people who treat her as a slow baby who still has spells for choking and reflux.
This is one thing I realized.
She will grow one day and when she is ready to come home, she is the one to tell me. I just need to wait by her side and watch over her until that day comes. It's not something I can rush her to do. I just hate having to explain to everyone why are still not at home. I just tell them Emilia thinks NICU is her home because Mommy's there all the time.
I whisper in her ears when nursing her:
"Emilia, drink lots of milk, grow strong, grow tall, grow big, grow smart, and don't worry too much about having to go home soon. Mommy will be here with you as long as you need to be here".
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